Verse “Little Red Riding Hood” retold in verse by Beatrice Schenk de Regniers: English № 30/ 2004.
Original idea based on “All Is Well That Ends Well” after R. Dahl: English №9/ 2005.
На сцене режиссер и продюсер. Занавес опущен.
DIRECTOR: Jack, hello! There you are at last!
PRODUCER: Hello, my dear fellow James. (Пожимают руки, хлопают по плечу) James Cameron! The maker of “AVATAR”! You, my little gold-mine.
DIRECTOR: I’m James Cameroon. Why did you want to see me, old friend?
PRODUCER: To make money, of course. We’re going to shoot a remake.
DIRECTOR: Oh, really?
PRODUCER: Super new.
DIRECTOR: A super new remake? (Иронично) Interesting. What about?
PRODUCER: About a girl, of course.
DIRECTOR: Ah! A girl. (С разочарованием)
PRODUCER: A remarkable one. In a red cap!
DIRECTOR: Another Little Red Riding Hood?
PRODUCER: Yeah! Why not?
DIRECTOR: I must say, it’s a very, very old story with a long-long, grey-grey beard.
PRODUCER: What’s the problem? I’m rich like Joan Rolling and you’re a talented film-director, James Cameron.
DIRECTOR: (оскорбленно) Cameroon!
PRODUCER: (отмахнулся) That doesn’t matter! I give money – you shoot movie. You will make this evergreen story shine again! (Задумавшись) All we need is Julia Roberts for L.R.R.H.
DIRECTOR: Isn’t she too… old?
PRODUCER: You think so? Is she old to be the mother of L.R.R.H?
DIRECTOR: It’s too expensive…
PRODUCER: There’s nothing impossible for us. With or without her it will be the bestseller. Or blockbuster? Cause I’ve got James Cameron!
DIRECTOR: (вздыхает сердито)
PRODUCER: What?
DIRECTOR: Never mind! (Хлопает режиссера со злорадной улыбкой)
PRODUCER: Here’s you script. (Хлопает пухлым сценарием о режиссера). I have to go. Everybody knows I’m a busy man. (Уходит)
DIRECTOR: (смотрит на сценарий презрительно, поворачивается к сцене) Action! (Занавес раздвигается. На сцене темно) Lights! Camera! Act 1. Take 1.
NARRATOR 1: Long ago
There was a girl, Pretty and good. Her name was Little Red Riding Hood.
NARRATOR 2: She wore a pretty red hood, a cape the same. And that's how Red Riding Hood got her name.
L.R.R.H: Bill, Sam, Mary and Jane! I‘m glad to see you again!
Let’s play and sing our songs today!
The games “London Bridge”, “Muffin Man” (3A, 2A)
NARRATOR 3: One day her mother told her…
MOTHER: L.R.R.H!
L.R.R.H: I’m here, mummy.
MOTHER: I want you to take your poor sick grandma this little cake.
You must go through the woods. I am going to worry.
L.R.R.H: Dear Mama, I will hurry.
DIRECTOR: Stop! Stop! It’s too boring! We need action! It will be a remake. Take off these rags! Jeans and sneakers! Help her! (LRRH уходит, появляется) Well! Nice! Headphones! And a hood! You are my LR.RH. You like music. It’s so good!
Another take. Get ready!
Хлопушка: CAMERA! ACTION! L.R.R.H. Scene 1 TAKE 2!
MOTHER: L.R.R.H!
L.R.R.H: I’m here, mummy.
Mother: I want you to take your poor sick grandma this little cake.
You must go through the woods. I am going to worry.
L.R.R.H: Dear Mama, I will hurry.
DIRECTOR: Stop! Action! Action! A pistol! A basket! Look! I am going to worry. Again!
Хлопушка: CAMERA! ACTION! L.R.R.H. Scene 1. TAKE 3!
MOTHER: L.R.R.H!
L.R.R.H: I’m here, mummy.
MOTHER: I want you to take your poor sick grandma this little cake.
You must go through the woods. I am going to worry.
L.R.R.H: Dear Mama, I will hurry.
DIRECTOR: Cut! Go on.
Хлопушка: CAMERA! ACTION! Scene 2 TAKE1
NARRATOR 3: So Red Riding Hood ran for almost a mile. Then she sat down to rest awhile.
Along came Mr. WOLF!
WOLF: Red Riding Hood! How nice to meet you. You look so pretty, I could eat you!
DIRECTOR: Stop! Listen to me. You are a very bad boy. Ill- mannered! You don’t like rules and regulations. But you adore rap. And you are very hungry! Once more!
Хлопушка: CAMERA! ACTION! Scene 2 TAKE 2
NARRATOR 3: So Red Riding Hood ran for almost a mile. Then she sat down to rest awhile.
Along came Mr. WOLF!
WOLF: Red Riding Hood! How nice to meet you. You look so pretty, I could eat you!
I see your mama was doing some baking. Tell me, Red Riding
Hood. Where are you taking that little cake?
L.R.R.H: Oh, Mr. WOLF, I am going to take my poor sick grandma this little cake.
WOLF: And where does your grandma live my dear?
LRRH: Near the big oak tree. Not far from here.
WOLF: Aha! Oho! I'll find a way to gobble two people up today.
Red Riding Hood, your grandma's sick. Don't you think that you should pick some flowers for her?
L.R.R.H: Oh, yes! I'm sure my poor sick Grandma would like some flowers.
NARRATOR 2: She picked one flower and then another. She quite forgot she had promised her mother to hurry.
DIRECTOR: (ХЛОПАЕТ) Everybody is free! A break! (ходит)
PRODUCER: James! (ПОЯВЛЯЕТСЯ)
DIRECTOR: I am short of ideas. I don’t know what to do. It’s so rotten, lousy!
PRODUCER: I see. What you need are kids, music and dances. Public loves it. The show must go on!
DIRECTOR: OK. Find me the dancers. Where is L.R.R.H?
Шапочка появляется, он шепчет ей что-то на ухо.
Хлопушка: L.R.R.H. Scene 3. Take 1. Hatdance.
Шапочка садится и свою шапку небрежно бросает рядом. Появляется Волк.
WOLF: LRRH, where is your hood? Got ya! (Показывает двумя руками на Шапочку растопыренными пальцами)I’ll eat you [ай итч я-аа]! (В сторону зрителей)
Выходят танцоры. У Шапочки воруют шапку. Танец со шляпами.
Танец еще не закончился. Ведущий начинает, волк медленно бежит.
NARRATOR 3: But the WOLF ran fast-faster than fast. He reached the grandma's door at last. Tap-tap!
ДВЕРЬ из ведущих выходит на сцену в боевой готовности.
GRANNY: Who is there? Who is there?
WOLF: Red Riding Hood. Let me inside -
NARRATOR 1: He tried to make his voice sound sweet.
WOLF: I've brought you a little cake to eat.
GRANNY: Come in! Come in! I can't get up. I'm sick in bed.
NARRATOR 1: So the WOLF opened the door and went inside.
Дверь открывается (дети расходятся): бабушки нет!!
WOLF: And where is my dinner? Unbelievable!!!! I can’t work like this!!
DIRECTOR: WHERE is granny? Bella! You’ve got 10 sec to find Granny or I’ll fire you!
BELLA: (вталкивает Бабушку) Here you are!
DIRECTOR: Granny! Get ready to be eaten!
PRODUCER: (грозит бабушке) And don’t you dare move!
DIRECTOR: (продюсеру) Sit still and keep silent. (спокойнее, но вредно) Please!
PRODUCER: Oh, sorry. Sorry.
Бабушка подходит к двери, тоскливо оборачивается и дает отмашку, решительно закрывает за собой дверь!
DIRECTOR: CAMERA! ACTION! L.R.R.H Scene 4 TAKE 2
NARRATOR 3: But the WOLF ran fast- faster than fast. He reached the grandma's door at last. Tap-tap! (ДВЕРЬ)
GRANNY: Who is there? Who is there?
WOLF: Red Riding Hood. Let me inside -
NARRATOR 1: He tried to make his voice sound sweet.
WOLF: I've brought you a little cake to eat.
GRANNY: Come in! Come in! I can't get up. I'm sick in bed.
NARRATOR 1: So the WOLF opened the door … (Дверь открывается) and went inside (волк заходит) and gobbled up the grandmother. (Дверь с бабушкой уходят)
Дверь снова появляется, открывается.
NARRATOR 4: Then the wicked WOLF got into bed with grandma's cap upon his head.
He put on her glasses, too.
NARRATOR 1: And now he waits for you-know-who. And here she comes. What will she do?
NARRATOR 3: She sees the door is open wide. Red Riding Hood, don't go inside!
L.R.R.H: Grandma, Grandma! Are you there? Grandma, Grandma! Tell me where you are.
NARRATOR 1: But grandma did not say a word. Red Riding Hood ran to her grandma's bed.
L.R.R.H: Here is something for you to eat,
See this little cake. And here are some -
Oh, Grandma! Why do you look at me so?
What great dark eyes you have Grandma!
WOLF: To see you better, ha-ha-ha!
L.R.R.H.: What great big ears you have got!
WOLF: To hear you better, like or not...
NARRATOR 4: He sat there watching her and smiled. He thought:
WOLF: I'm going to eat you, child. (в сторону) Compared with her old grandma she's young and tastes like caviar.
NARRATOR 1: Then little girl has a closer look, she touches his fur and pats his crook...
L.R.R.H.: But Granny! What a lovely fur coat you have on!
WOLF: That's wrong! Have you forgotten to tell me what big teeth I've got?
Oh! No matter what you say, I'm going to eat you, anyway.
DIRECTOR: Look! The little girl is smiling.
PRODUCER: She is taking a little pistol from her basket...
DIRECTOR: She is aiming it at the WOLF's head...
L.R.R.H.: And bang-bang-bang! (Волк падает оземь)
The WOLF is dead! (Объявляет Шапочка, сдувает с дула пистолета дым, салютует)
DIRECTOR: STOP! (к Волку) Remember, you’re a drama actor! Listen to the music and do it slower!
Хлопушка: CAMERA! ACTION! L.R.R.H. Scene 5. TAKE 2.
L.R.R.H.: And bang-bang-bang! (Волк падает под музыку)
DIRECTOR: STOP!!! Slower! Help him! Hold him!
Хлопушка: CAMERA! ACTION! L.R.R.H. Scene 5. TAKE 3.
L.R.R.H.: And bang-bang-bang! (Волк падает под музыку, его поддерживают)
The WOLF is dead! (Объявляет Шапочка, сдувает с дула пистолета дым, салютует)
I'll take his coat. (Низами одевает на нее шубу)
It's soft and nice in the winter cold. As for Grandma, she feels all right, just stays in bed because of fright.
MOTHER: The vet has helped her to come out. She tells her friends, the case about.
PRODUCER: Now HAPPY END! Victorious March!
Неожиданно появляются дети с бравурным маршем “Stodolla Pumpa”.
Хлопушка: CAMERA! ACTION! LRRH Scene 6 TAKE 1
NARRATOR 4: A few weeks later, in the wood, I came across Miss Riding Hood. But what a change! No cloak of red, no silly cap upon her head. She said:
L.R.R.H.: Hello, and do please note - my lovely furry WOLFSKIN Coat.
NARRATOR 1: Well, believe it or not. But the story has taken place recently and we have great fun telling you about it. We are healthy and happy and we want to teach you a lesson...
L.R.R.H.: Never loose your mind and give up in difficult situation.
NARRATOR 4: Be always ready to defend yourself if you are going to a new place alone.
NARRATOR 3: The WOLF now is looking after cages at the Zoo. He doesn't frighten people any more.
DIRECTOR: As for the film, I hope it will beco-me a success and I'll … We’ll get our reward at last. (Вместе с продюсером)
PRODUCER: We’ll get our reward at last. May be even the Oscar!
All: Thank you, friends. Good-bye. See you later.
PRODUCER: Have you found the final song?
The song “Viva, la compagnie!”