CHARACTERS
| Dr. Lechibol – a magician | Princess Augusta | Pirates: | Gardener Robin |
| Miss Pill – his assistant | Princess April | Captain | Servant |
| Queen | Prince Boltalon | Kohinur | Guards |
| Duchess | Prince Aldebaran | Pirates 1-4 |
1. PIRATES
!-4 pirates and Kohinur are sitting. Captain enters.
Cap: Well, have you found the rings?
1 p.: No, sir. I’m sorry.
2 p.: We have looked everywhere.
3 p.: May be there are no such rings?
4 p.: We have got silver and gold rings.
Cap: They are not magic! Oh, stupid asses! (to 1 p.) I’ll kill you!
1 p.: Captain! Don’t!
Cap: I’ll cut your head off!
2 p.: Please, no! Cap: I’ll hang you!
3 p: How can you!
4 p.: We’ll do our best! (Captain leaves)
Koh: Well, what shall we do?
1 p.: May be… Koh: No.
2 p.: Let’s….
Koh: We can’t.
3 p.: What about…
Koh: Don’t think of it (walks, thinking) I’ve got an idea! Where is the magic book?
4 p.: (brings the book): Here it is, boss!
Koh: I know where they are! (throws the book). Give me a lot of gold. (takes it and leaves).
AT THE DOCTOR’S.
Miss Pill is making some medicine.
Pill: Let’s make it blue. (adds smth). It’s O.K. (writes down) KNOCK. Come in!
Serv (enters):Her Majesty the Queen!
Her Highness the Duchess! (They enter)
Duch: Are you the famous doctor?
Pill: No, I’m his assistant.
Duch: Call him, please.
Pill: Just a moment (rings a bell). Enters Doctor.
Doc: Good morning! Glad to see you.
Duch: Doctor, we need your help.
Doc: Do you, Your Highness?
Q: Doctor, I’d like to tell you an important secret. I have two daughters.
Doc: Is it a secret, Your Majesty?
Duch: One of the girls is not kind, the other is not clever.
Q: We have a lot of troubles! It’s time for the girls to marry.
Doc: Yes, I see.
Duch: Before his death the King made his will (shows the paper).
Doc: Oh, did he?
Duch: (reads) “The daughter who marries first will get the whole kingdom”.
Q: But nobody wants to marry princess Augusta…
Duch: And princess April doesn’t want to marry at all.
Doc: Show me your daughters, please.
Duch: Princess Augusta! Princess April!
Q: We call princess April Alely.
Pill: What a nice name! Enter Augusta and Alely
Alely: (to Pill) Oh, what lovely things! (looks) Would you give me one? (to Aug) That’s for you.
Aug: I don’t need it! (throws it away).
Doc: Everything is clear to me, Your Majesty. May I speak to you in private? (Girls leave)
Doc: I can help only one of your daughters.
Q: Which one?
Doc: We’ll see. I have two rings made of tin.
Duch: What shall we do with them?
Doc: They are magic. They give people what they lack.
Q: Let’s give one to Augusta, one-to Alely.
Doc: It’s not possible. They are wedding rings.
Q: Whom shall I give the rings? To Augusta? Or to Alely?
Doc: The girls will choose themselves. Will you give me one of your gold rings?
Queen gives Doctor a ring. He puts them into a box.
Duch: Come in! (Girls enter)
Doc: My ladies! I’ve got a present for you. Will you choose a ring for yourself?
Aug: I have already chosen.
Alely: Oh, sister, dear, let me be the first. I’d like this one.
Aug: Which one?
Alely: Made of tin. It’s so white.
Aug: O.K. And I’ll have to take the gold one (sighs)
Alely: Thank you, Augusta, you are so kind. (Augusta smiles angrily).
Q: I haven’t noticed any changes.
Duch: Neither have I.
Doc: Your daughter must exchange the rings with the man who will love her. Then it will help.
Q: Who will love her if she is so silly?
Duch: Your Majesty, it’s time to go back to the palace.
Q: Thank you, doctor. Give him the gold.
Doc: No gold, please. My rings are more expensive. Good-bye. (They leave).
Write down their address, Miss Pill.
Pill: The address is short: the King’s Palace.
Enters Kohinur.
Koh: It’s gold! A lot of gold! (puts the sack on the desk)
Pill: Be careful! You’ll break everything!
Koh: You will buy a hundred of such glasses and fill them with emeralds and pearls!
Who is the famous doctor? You?
Pill: No.
Koh: You, sir? It took much time to cross the sea. Will you sell your magic rings, sir?
Doc: Pirate Кohinur!
Koh: That’s my name. I’m in a hurry. The gold is yours, the rings are mine.
Doc: I don’t take gold for tin rings.
Koh: Don’t take gold? And what do you take? Diamonds? Precious stones?
Doc: Nothing.
Koh: I can take them by force (takes out a pistol and a knife).
Doc: Can you? Try! You’ll get only tin.
Koh: Stupid wizard!
Pill: Go away!
Koh: I must bring the rings.
Pill: We don’t have them. You are late. Koh: I know who has been here. The Queen. (Leaves)
Doc: Write down his address.
Pill: It’s not long: Blue sea. The Pirate’s ship.
AT THE PALACE
Duch: (walks in the garden. Speaks to herself). From one hand it is so, but from the other… Well, we have two princes and two princesses. They marry. That’s simple. But who will be King and Queen? That is the question. Alely will be the Queen. She is silly. But what about the man? Aldebaran or Boltalon? (notices Bolt). Let’s try him. He looks like a fool.
Bolt: How many men do you need here?
Duch: One, Your Highness, only one.
Bolt: What about that stupid ass? (points to Aldebaran who smells flowers).
Duch: We have two ladies. They can’t marry one prince.
Bolt: So all this will be divided: the palace, the garden and you.
Duch: No, no. She who marries first will get everything.
Bolt: What fool will marry the other girl?
Duch: Prince Aldebaran, I hope. But you mustn’t be slow.
Bolt: Slow? I’ve got wedding-rings!
Duch: Put them away. We’ve got magic rings.
Bolt: It’s tin. Are you so poor?
Duch: We are so rich. When you have it, you will get everything you need.
Bolt: I need only the kingdom.
Duch: Fine! But you also need your left ear and…
Bolt: No details, please. Give me the ring.
Duch: Find princess April. (Leaves) Aldebaran (enters) : Where are the ladies? I’m tired of waiting.
Bolt: Why not go home then?
Alde: No, I like it here. It’s fantastic! I’ll stay here.
Bolt: You won’t! I’ll throw you away!
Alde: You?! (they are ready to fight)
Servant (enters): Her Majesty Queen Januaria the Second! Princess Augusta! Princess April!
Enter Queen, Duchess, Augusta, April
Q: Glad to see you, dear guests. How are you, prince Aldebaran? How are you, eh....
Bolt: Prince Boltalon, the prince of Jokeland.
Q: Is there such a kingdom?
Duch: Where there is a prince, there is a kingdom.
Q: You are welcome! Have a nice talk to my daughters. Leave Queen and Duch.
Aug: Well, where shall we go?
Bolt: (to Aldebaran) Who is Princess April?
Alde:(shows to Augusta) This one. Bolt: (to Augusta) Your Highness, will you show me around?
Aug: With pleasure, Prince. I’ll show you my favourite place, the King’s grave. (They leave). Alde: Beautiful princess April! Do you want to be the queen? Alely: No, I don’t.
Alde: You must marry earlier than your sister. And all this will be yours. Be the wife
of Aldebaran!
Alely: (laughs) Ai-de-baran?! No, I don’t want to!
Alde: How wicked you are!
Alely: No, I’m not. Augusta is wicked. And I’m silly. But it’s a secret.
Alde: Thanks for telling me in time. (enters Boltalon)
Bolt: You’ve played a trick on me! It was Augusta. She nearly killed me when I called her April.
Alde: Did she agree to marry you?
Bolt: And princess April?
Alde: It’s not your business!
Bolt: (takes out his sword) I’ll kill you!
Alde: (takes out his little sword) Well, if you insist…
Bolt: Stop! What are you doing? (looks afraid)
Alde: I’m busy. I’m looking for Augusta. (Leaves)
Bolt: Good luck! (to Alely) Do you have a tin ring?
Alely: Yes. Here it is.
Bolt: I have the same.
Alely: Where is it?
Bolt: I’ve lost it! (looks for it)
Alely: May be you have lost it somewhere else.
Bolt: At the King’s grave! (runs away)
Alely: I’ll go home and hide. You will never find me.
Gardener (enters): The flowers are broken. Oh, what is it? A ring? It’s tin. I’ll keep it. For luck.
Alely (enters): Who are you?
Gard: My name is Robin. I’m a gardener here.
Alely: How funny you are!
Gard: Don’t laugh at me!
Alely: Sorry! You are not very ugly.
Gard: And you are like a star.
Alely: What nice words! Can you come here and speak to me? Gard: Yes. I’m so happy today!
Augusta (enters): Alely! Where are you?
Alely: It’s Augusta! Go away! Quickly!
(Leaves Gardener) Aug: Who are you talking to?
Alely: To myself.
Aug: Silly. The wedding party is beginning and you are not ready yet.
Alely: I’m not going to marry.
Aug: But I’m! Boltalon or Aldebaran. It doesn’t matter.
Alely: Take both of them. I’ll stay here.
Aug: Let’s go. It’s getting dark. Look, the moon has come out.
Alely: I’ll get it! (jumps)
Koh: (enters): I can give you the moon, my lady.
Aug: Who are you?
Koh: I have got presents for you. It’s the moon.
Aug: How nice! What bright diamonds!
Alely: It’s not a moon. It’s a half.
Koh: Don’t you like it? Come with me, I’ll show you a golden moon.
Alely: I have a tin ring.
Koh: A tin ring, my beauty? It’s not for a king’s daughter. I’ll give you emeralds.
Aug: Let’s go, Alely! We’ll be back in a minute. (Leave) (Enters Gardener)
Gard: It’s not good. May be I can help. (Leaves) Enter Servant, Guard, Duchess, Queen
Serv: Princess Augusta!
Guard: Princess April! Duch: Where are they?
Q: My daughters! We are waiting for you!
Duch: They are nowhere to be seen.
Gardener (running): They have been taken away! The pirates… They have just sailed off!
I could do nothing. They struck me on the head.
Q: Announce: he who saves my daughters will marry one of them and be the king.
Gard: Let me go! I’ll do my best!
Q: You?!
Duch: Shut up! (to Princes) Well, who will go? You or you?
Alde: I can’t leave the Queen.
Bolt: Neither can I.
Duch: (to Bolt) You will lose the crown.
Bolt: But save my head.
Duch: O.K. Aldebaran will be the king.
Bolt: What?! I’m coming!
Alde: I’m coming too.
Q: Hurry up! My girls are at a pirates’ship!
Alde: We’ll come back with your lovely daughters.
Bolt: We’ll save them! (Both leave)
4. AT THE PIRATES’ SHIP
Koh: Rings are here, cap.
Cap: A good servant you are. Give them to me.
Koh: One is there, the other here. They quarrel.
Cap: Rings?!
Koh: Girls. You can’t buy or steal these rings, only get as a present. That’s your business.
Cap: Bring them here. I’ll speak first to one, then to another. (Enters Alely)
It’s the most beautiful girl in the world!
Alely: I want to go home!
Cap: You will be there very soon. I’ll give you rich presents.
Alely: No, take us home.
Cap: Let me treat you to some tasty things.(Claps)
Enter 1, 2 Pirates
1 p: Fruit, honey. 2 p: Almond, jam. (Leave)
Cap: Help yourself. (Tastes) Mmm, how sweet.
Alely: Eat it yourself.
Cap: Have you got a tin ring, my beauty?
Alely: Yes.
Cap: You’d better give it to me.
Alely (shakes her head): You’d better let me go!
Cap: Kohinur! Take her away! Bring the other! Enters Kohinur, takes Alely, brings Augusta.
Aug: How could you bring us to this terrible place?! I’m a princess!
Cap: Yes, madam.
Aug: Your Highness!
Cap: Your Highness.
Aug: Mother will send her ships and…
Cap: We also have ships, Your Highness, and guns.
Aug: My mother will hang you!
Cap: Will she? But first, Your Highness, I’ll put you in a sack and throw into the sea.
Aug: I’m the Queen’s daughter.
Cap: Then I’ll put you in a silk sack.
Aug: Stop! Do you need money? Mother will give you a rich ransom. Especially for me.
Cap: That’s better. But I need a ring.
Aug: Take any!
Cap: A tin ring.
Aug: My sister has it.
Cap: And the other? There are two of them. I’ll put you…
Aug: No, no. Prince Boltalon has it.
Cap: Go to your sister. (Leaves Augusta)
Enter 3, 4 Pirates
3 p: A ship has come, sir.
Cap: What ship? Where from?
4 p: From the shore. 3p: They brought a rich ransom.
4 p: Shall we take it?
Cap: We’ll take everything. First the ransom, then the people and the ship.
Enters Aldebaran.
Alde: Happy to greet you, Captain!
Cap: I’m happy, too. What have you brought?
Alde: Gold and silver.
Cap: Fine. But I need a magic ring. Do you have it?
Alde: No. Cap: What’s your name?
Alde: Prince Aldebaran.
Cap: I want the other. Shall I hang you?
Alde: Please, let me go.
Cap: Take him away. Where is the other? (Pirates take Alde away, bring Bolt.)
Bolt: Cowards! On your knees! I’m prince Boltalon!
Cap: I see you are a noble man. Give me the ring and go home.
Bolt: I’ve lost it!
Cap: You’d better lose your head! I’ll cut it off!
Bolt: (falls on his knees) Don’t kill me!
Kohinur takes hum away
Koh: What’s the password today, cap?
Cap: Magic ring
Koh: What’s the answer?
Cap: Captain’s sword. (Leaves)
Koh: (to 1,2,pirates): This key is for you. And that’s for you. The password is … (whispers). Repeat!
1 p: Magic ring!
2 p: Captain’s sword!
Koh: Right! But not so loud. (Leaves)
1 p: Do you want a drink? 2 p: I do.
1 p: Look at the tray.
2 p: Sweets. No wine. (Gardener puts a jug)
1 p: What’s it? 2 p: A jug.
1 p: What’s in it?
2 p: Wine. (tastes) Mmm, fantastic!
1p: Let me drink
2 p: It’s too much for you.
1 p: Give me! 2 p: Now me.
1 p: Who are you?
2 p: I don’t know. And you?
1 p: I don’t remember. I want to sleep.
2 p: To sleep… Gardener (appears): Sleep till morning. The wine is strong.(Opens one door) Bolt: Don’t cut off my head! Alde: Silence, Boltalon. It’s the gardener.
Gard: Don’t waste time! Get out of here!
Alde: There are guards at the door.
Gard: The window! I’ve got a rope.
Alde: You are the first, Your Highness.
Bolt: No, you are the first.
Alde: Only after you.
Gard: We have no time. Princes pushing each other get through the window.
Gard: Alely! Augusta! Are you here?
Aug: Who are you? What a monster!
Gard: I’m not a pirate. I’m a gardener.
Alely: Robin! Will you save us?
Gard: Yes. There is a rope. Princes are downstairs.
Aug: There is no rope.
Gard: They have taken it away! Hide in the room. What shall I do? Sleeping?
Oh, a good idea! (takes off the pirates’ clothes). Change your clothes!
Aug: I can’t put on these awful rags!
Gard: Will you stay here?
Aug: O.K. Give them to me. Brrr!
Gard: Be quick!
Aug: Shall I put this dirty towel on?
Gard: Yes. Are you ready?
Alely: Do I look like a pirate?
Gard: The most beautiful pirate!
Aug: And me?
Gard: You are a real pirate. Stay here and there. Soon the guards will come. Do what they do.
Aug: Somebody is coming.
Gard: Don’t be afraid. (hides in the room).
Enter 3, 4 pirates.
3 p: Magic ring.
Aug: Captain’s sword.
4 p: Captain’s sword.
Alely: Magic ring. (Alely and Augusta leave).
Captain and Kohinur enter.
Cap: Is everything O.K.?
3 p: Yes, captain. Princes are sleeping. Very noisily. (Snoring)
4 p: And girls sleep quietly.
Cap: Open the door! (4 p. opens). Enters Gardener
Cap: Will you give me the ring, my beauty?
Koh: Have you lost it?(Gardener shows the ring)
Cap: Why do you keep it? You are as shiny as a star. (Gardener shows his face)
3 p: She is ugly! 4 p: Look into the mirror!
Gard: Oh! What is it? It’s not me! It’s the ring!
Cap: What do you mean?
Gard: The devil’s ring! Take it! Take it!
Cap: No, lady.
Koh: I won’t.
Cap: Where are the princes?
3 p: I’ll have a look. 4 p: No princes.
3 p: There are Ahmet and Rahmet. 4 p: Where are your clothes?
1 p: Who knows? There were trousers – there are no. There were princes – there are no.
3 p: Come to your senses, Ahmet. You gave me the key. And now you snore here.
4 p: I have seen you, Rahmet. You had your clothes on. That’s bad!
2 p: She is a witch!
Koh: Go away, you, witch! Gard: I’ll go away! (goes away)
Cap: Run after her! 1,2 p: We can’t, sir. Cap: Then you go. 3,4 p: We fear, sir. Cap: Go you, Kohinur.
Koh: No, boss. Go yourself. You are brave. You are the captain.
Cap: Don’t give me orders! We are lucky not to give the ring to the Sultan. He’d kill us!
1,2,3,4 p, Koh: Ai-ai-ai!
5. AT THE PALACE
Guards: Alarm! The pirates!
Aug: Don’t shoot! It’s me. Duch: What’s the matter?
Guard: We have caught the pirates!
Duch: Fine! Take hold of them. Princess Augusta! Princess Alely! Who set you free? Bolt, Alde: Me! Me!
Duch: Glad to see you here. Alive. I’ll tell the Queen.
Q: Well, who will be our king?
Bolt: Me! Only me!
Alde: No, me!
Q: I can’t understand.
Duch (to Bolt): Prince, I’d like to talk to you in private.
Alde : Princess Augusta! We are clever, aren’t we?
Aug: I suppose so.
Alde: Support me and I’ll be the King. Your hand, Princess! Or Boltalon will be…
Aug: I see. Here is my hand.
Alde: You are the cleverest in the world.
Duch: Insist on your words, Prince! Your sword is longer…
Bolt: Two times!
Duch: And you are all scratched. The Queen will believe you. But marry Augusta.
Bolt: No, never. Don’t ask me!
Duch: Well, try to speak to Alely.
Bolt: Alely, are you still crying?
Alely: Yes, and I will. Go away. Everybody leaves but Alely
Alely: Oh, Robin! Where are you?
Gard: Are you calling me, Alely? Alely: Robin!
Gard: It’s me! Stop crying. Alely: How did you run away?
Gard: I’m smart.
Alely: Let’s run away! I don’t want to marry these stupid princes. They need only my ring.
Gard: Where have you got it?
Alely: A doctor gave it to me. It’s magic. Let me give it to you.
Gard: Let’s exchange.
Alely: What’s it? Everything is different. And so are you. Good-looking. (gives him a mirror)
Gard: Is it me?
Alely: It’s you, my dear. And I love you!
Gard: Love me? Say it again!
Alely: I love you!
Gard: I’m not a prince. I’m a gardener.
Alely: You saved us, I’ll marry you.
Gard: They won’t believe you.
Alely: We’ll see. I’ll fight for you. They are coming.
Hide and wait. (He hides, everybody appears)
Q: My girls are with me again. Alely, you are smiling!
Alely: I’m very happy.
Q: We decided to divide the kingdom. Both of you will be kings.
Bolt: Why?! Why to divide?
Alde: I can prove that I saved your daughters. This is a rope. Augusta?
Aug: Yes, it’s him.
Q: Thank you, dear Aldebaran. Marry my daughter and be the King.
Alde: I ask for the hand of princess Alely.
Aug: A scoundrel!!! (faints)
Duch: (to Bolt) Support her! She will help you.
Bolt: Dear Augusta! Come to your senses.
Aug: Thank you. I’m O.K.
Bolt: He is a villain. He didn’t save you.
Aug: No, you are the man.
Bolt: Thank you, Augusta. Let me ask for the hand of Alely.
Aug: It wasn’t Boltalon.
Q: Who was it, then?
Aug: The gardener!
Alely: Yes, Robin the gardener.
Q: Terrible!
Duch: Don’t worry. He hasn’t come back. We’ll put up a monument to him. In the garden.
Alely: Don’t be too quick to put a monument. Robin is here. I’m engaged to him.
Q: Do you hear?
Duch: Don’t you know Alely? The ring is still on her finger.
Alely: It’s the other ring. We have exchanged. Look at him! (Gard. Appears)
Duch: It’s not the man. He is handsome.
Gard: Don’t forget about the magic ring.
Bolt: A robber! You have stolen my ring. (takes out his sword, Gard takes a stick)
Q: He will kill prince Boltalon!
Duch: Guards! Take him to prison! (appear Guards)
Alely: (takes a stick, to Duch) I’ll kill you!
Duch: What are you doing, Princess?!
Alely: Let him go!
Duch: It’s the magic rings! It’s all because of the doctor.
Q: If only I could see him. Appear Doctor,Pill
Doc: Have you called for me? Q: Just mentioned your name.
Doc: Have my rings helped you?
Q: Take them away! My daughters were kidnapped by pirates.
Doc: Awful!
Q: Somebody saved them.
Doc: Fine.
Q: But we don’t know who.
Doc: Very strange.
Q: Alely gave the ring to the gardener.
Doc: Let’s congratulate the gardener.
Duch: He is a robber! He stole the ring.
Doc: Let me have a look at him. He is very nice.
Duch: He was ugly before.
Doc: Write this down, Miss Pill. Everything is clear to me. Alely, don’t you like my present?
Alely: I’m glad, doctor. I have never known what stupid, wicked and greedy people live here..
Duch: She has become clever. Prince Aldebaran, what will you say?
Alde: She is clever if she refused Boltalon
Bolt: If she refused you!
Aug: Both of you!
Pill: You have also noticed it, Augusta!
Q: I have lost my daughter. She is going to marry a gardener!
Pill: You have one more, Your Majesty.
Duch: (To Alde): Will you marry Augusta?
Alde: Not me. It’s time for me to go.
Bolt: I’m going with you.
Aug: Go away, you, cowards, villains, ugly faces!!! (throws things into Princes)
Alde: Look out, Boltalon!
Bolt: She is worse than a pirate!
Pill: Help her, doctor.
Doc: Nobody can help her.
Q: What shall we tell the guests?
Gard: I’m leaving.
Duch: Fine! Take the money and go.
Alely: I’m leaving with him. Will you take me, Robin?
Gard: Yes, dear. We’ll be happy. Give me your hand and let’s go.
Alely: Where to?
Gard: Who knows? The whole world is before us.
Doc: The rings helped again. Write this down, Miss Pill.